It seems like 90% of the photos on my facebook feed are weddings or babies. Lets hope babies don’t start having baby weddings.
— Charles Bukowski
— Mitch Hedberg
I had a dream that I was in Jr. High and was pregnant. Now as a dude, this felt a little odd but I wasn’t sure if I was a dude in the dream. I used the women’s bathroom, but I peed standing up.
Last night instead of going to my high school reunion and explaining to 100 people that I have done absolutely nothing for 10 years, I stayed home and watched Jumanji.
Last night I was so tired I read the word underfed as “un derf-ed”