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How to get around being a bad ventriloquist: have your puppet be a mime.

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I think if I was a Super Hero my power would be sarcasm.

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I say there, Monstrosity! Do you know the times?

I say there, Monstrosity! Do you know the times?

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The worst part about the season changing is having to wear socks inside because it’s too cold. Stupid socks.

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I kind of want this… I want to want to play with it. Maybe I just want to be 10 again. Oh, also there is a wizard Donatello. He is wicked sweet.

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Consider using your computer power while you’re idle for good use.

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Doing my laundry today.

Doing my laundry today.

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Conversation with a random "woman" that messaged me on facebook

  • Sylvia W: hello, u looking very handsome and i would love to get to know u the more if you give me a chance to
  • Shaun P: I can't help but feel that you might possibly be a fake account.
  • Sylvia W: looool what makes you think that?
  • Shaun P: oh I dunno, randomly messaging people you have absolutely no connection to.
  • Sylvia W: i just opened this facebook account no doubt, i was just trying to see if i could find a guy who would love me for who i am
  • Shaun P: mmhmm
  • Sylvia W: and thats the reason y i am here in the first place my cousin forced me to open a facebook account
  • u look handsome by the way
  • Shaun P: mmhmm
  • Sylvia W: is that ur pet? (my profile picture has a goat from a petting zoo I went to with my nieces)
  • Shaun P: Yes, I have a pet goat named Lancelot.
  • Sylvia W: thats soo sweet
  • Shaun P: He is an expert racer
  • Sylvia W: cool. u mind me sending u a friend request?
  • Shaun P: Goat races are pretty intense.
  • I don't know, I'll have to ask lancelot what he thinks of you, but he is asleep right now.
  • Sylvia W: so i guess i will have to wait then
  • Shaun P: Yes ma'am. I'll let you know what Lancelot says when he gets up. It might take awhile though if he is still drunk in the morning. It can take him awhile to sober up.
  • Sylvia W: do u feed him alcohol?
  • Shaun P: He just finds it on his own. Goat can sniff out vodka for miles.
  • Sylvia W: hmmmm. how r u tho?
  • Shaun P: I am fine, just hoping I don't have to clean up goat vomit in the morning.
  • Sylvia W: lol. what u do for a living?
  • Shaun P: I'm a blacksmith
  • Sylvia W: ok. r u married?
  • Shaun P: Nope
  • Sylvia W: ok. planning on any?
  • Shaun P: am planning on having at least 4 marriages
  • Sylvia W: why? how?
  • Shaun P: I mean, not simultaneously unless I move to Utah and really who wants to live in Utah
  • Sylvia W: yh. found anyon yet?
  • *anyone
  • Shaun P: Nope, still working on finding marriage #1
  • Sylvia W: ok then
  • Shaun P: I do have my marriage armor smithed though
  • Sylvia W: ok
  • Shaun P: I'll look so noble when I battle my best man for the right to marry my first wife
  • Sylvia W: :)
  • Shaun P: such a shame I'll have to kill him
  • Sylvia W: lol. he would not dare to do that
  • Shaun P: Wouldn't have much of a choice
  • Sylvia W: so have u had any affairs before?
  • Shaun P: No ma'am. I am a loyal knight
  • Sylvia W: why?
  • Shaun P: Because my parents always told me they would murder me if I had an affair. After the mysterious disappearance of my brother, I decided it was in my best interest
  • Sylvia W: awwwww
  • but u would also be missing out a lot of good stuffs
  • Shaun P: are you married then?
  • Sylvia W: no am not
  • Shaun P: So who are you planning on having an affair on?
  • Sylvia W: no one just searching
  • Shaun P: just looking for someone to have an affair on later eh?
  • Sylvia W: kinda
  • Shaun P: nice, that's what I look for in a woman!
  • Sylvia W: :)
  • Shaun P: It's so much easier when a woman is up front about how she is going to cheat. Then there are no silly expectations of loyalty or love
  • Sylvia W: yh
  • Sylvia W: is ur pet up already?
  • Shaun P: Nah, Lance should be out until noon at least.
  • Sylvia W: ok
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RIP big guy.

RIP big guy.

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My 2 year old niece has this new habit of saying “What?” after everything you say to her, and I just imagine her as a tiny white female Lil Jon.